![]() ![]() You handle pointy things very well.ĮOWYN: Yes. Now collect your people and skedaddle to Helm's Deep.ĪRAGORN: Hi. THEODEN: Hurrah! I am me again! But, damn, my son's dead.ĪRAGORN: Good work, sire. GANDALF: Be blinded by my new robes! Recover your smooth complexion and your senses! THEODEN: I have ash all over my face and cannot speak for myself. Let's see if I can summarize in ten lines or less. LEMONLYE: A lot of political maneuvering takes place here. LEGOLAS: I almost had a facial expression from the joy of it! TREEBEARD picks up MERRY and PIPPIN and carts them off. PIPPIN: Uh, Merry? That tree is checking you out. Oh! Unless they were in that pile of corpses we burned.ĮOMER: Yeah my bad. Hey, have you folks seen a couple little guys, about this high.?ĮOMER: Nope. Yeah, I HAVE heard it! That's one of my favorites.ĪRAGORN: Down, Legolas. LEGOLAS: Ooh! And the elf shoots arrows through this git who rides up on a horse. An elf, a man, and a dwarf walk into the Riddermark. (to FRODO) You know, you wouldn't look half bad in eyeliner.ĮOMER: Hi! Okay, stop me if you've heard this one. Can Smeagol offer black eyeliner to angsssty hobbitses? GOLLUM: Mordor? Hobbitses having little Goth phase, maybe? Very angsssty, wanting to go to Mordor, yes yes. GOLLUM: No! Smeagol not into ropes, nassty kinky hobbitses.įRODO: We just want you to take us to Mordor, you sicko. GOLLUM flies out of the rocks and pounces on FRODO. Finally it's just you and me.įRODO: Well, you're wrong. SAM stretches, and drops his arm around FRODO's shoulders. SAM and FRODO are sitting together on a rock. White is supposed to be the new black this year. I think I'll go buy myself something white. GANDALF: Isn't it odd how we fell for about three miles, and yet we ended up on TOP of a mountain?īALROG: Who cares. ![]() But I have to write parody for everything, so here goes. Spoilers on EVERYTHING, and lots of lame slash-implication jokes.Īuthor's note: I LOVED this movie. And subject to being very wrong in terms of chronology, since I've only seen the movie once so far. And yes! I loved it.īut before I write a "real" review-assuming I ever do I mean, don't you guys have enough of those on your friends lists right now?-I give you this, a parody version of the script. ![]()
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